Garbage?

Sometimes... Stress isn't easy to handle.
Sometimes... Stress isn't that hard to handle.

Depends on how you look at it.
Depends on how much garbage does your garbage truck has.

Leaving home, nah, that's not my style.
Committing suicide? Nah, I do something way cooler than it.
Lead an interesting life, man.
What I do is, reject the garbage.

:)
My mom threw the garbage to my dad. My dad threw the garbage to me. I threw it on the floor. Wow. Mencemarkan alam sekitar. Ah, I'm just a freak, so who cares if I litter? In fact, I'm not in Singapore now. I don't care. I DON"T CARE. So what? I'm in my own world. I have a power shield surrounding me.. Like the sister in the incredibles? CHEH. Anyway, I do have the power of hers. Garbage can't enter my power shield that easily. It's just same for anyone, anyone who explores and uses this power shield.

Well, I may be immuned, I may be just too chilled, or maybe just because I am Kwok Wai Meng. Who cares? As long as, I know me, I don't know whether I'm Kwok Wai Meng, Ah Beng. Ah Cheng, Ah Deng or whatever -eng, as long as I am me.

Back to the topic.
I am just like a garbage truck, but I want myself clean. So I reject garbages. I drop it on the floor. No one will know, because I am just a garbage truck. So, litter everywhere! Nobody will fine you.

The garbage, is just like the problem.
The entrance of the garbage bank, is just like the unexplored power shield. A weak power shield. An uncontrolled mind.
If there is an entrance to the garbage bank, there must be an exit.
The exit of the garbage bank, is just like the exit of your anger.
Where the garbage lands, is just like who you scold.
If it lands on you, then you're too weak to reject garbages;
If it lands on people, then you're too weak to protect your image, your dignity;
If it lands on the floor, then you're such an awesome person.
If it lands on the floor, then you're free of anger.
If it lands on the floor, then you're free of problems.
If it lands on the floor, then you're free of stress.
If it lands on the floor, you obtain the success of your life.
If it lands on the floor, you obtain the freedom from garbages.

If it lands on the floor, you have a clean mind.


Look at the first and second line of this post.
Stress is like a bundle of garbage.
When it enters the garbage bank bit by bit, the garbage bank will slowly be used to it.
When the garbage bank is too full, the garbage overflows.
Let's do some Mathematics.
Garbage = stress.
Too much garbage = too much stress
Therefore, garbage overflows = stress overflows.
When garbage overflows, everything flows out and the smell 'lands' on people around it.
When stress    overflows, everything flows out through the eyes as tears, sometimes through the mouth, hurting peoples' feelings.

How to make the place not smell and not hurt peoples' feelings?
Throw out any garbages immediately when it reaches the entrance.
A small amount won't stink.
It will decompose.
Nobody will realise the garbage thrown out of the garbage truck. Why? because they are already immune to it. because they don't smell anything when a small amount of garbage is thrown out.

Your mind is like a garbage trunk, it can reject or accept stress.
If the stress is rejected, nothing will happen, you will not be emotionally affected.
If the stress is accepted, it will undergo a mental process and will be transformed into anger.
Anger isn't a simple thing. It can be shot onto other people, it can react on yourself, but it can also be "squashed".
When it's squashed, it vanishes into the air.

So, you wanna SQUASH and REJECT? xD

Author:
Wai Meng,
the garbage trunk.
:D

:DDDD

Wheee! Straight away an A/NC leader pose just after a recruit ranking:) Happpppiiiiiiiieee:)

Awwwhh... Battery 15%... D: xD Byes

- ZZZZZZZZ -

BORING. EMO. SPEECHLESS. O.O

Yeah, now I really hate holidays.
So boring.
So uninteresting.
So free.

It's like living in outer space.
Moving freely.
Jumping from Jupiter to Saturn.
But without fresh air around you.

It's like going on facebook.
Playing games which you've gotten bored of.
Commenting on people's status just for the sake of.... commenting.
But without a friend, or anyone chatting or responding to you.

It's like sitting in your room.
Sitting in front of the computer.
Rolling here and there.
While you cannot sing out loud late at night.

Who knows,
that someone may be cursing you at this moment?
Who knows,
that what willl happen the next second?
Earthquake?
Tsunami?
Volcano eruption?

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

I'm always waiting for your reply.
I'm always waiting for your appearance.
I'm always waiting for a chance.
And I'm always waiting for..
You.

But you just stood there.
Even though I waved to you.
You wouldn't come here.
You wouldn't reply me.
You wouldn't give me a chance.
You wouldn't give me you.

So what's the point?

Anyways, There's a saying:
人是贱的.

-- Signing out --

EXAM. AGAIN. Oh.and. PERFORMANCE :DDDDD

OH MY GOD. Exam results. Good and bad results. DUH.
First time in my life, I got A for my BM. Godness gracious, Thank god I got an A also for my Sejarah. :D
And, as usual, Geografi B, KHB B. GAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! :/

Wheeehaah! Tomorrow's the Teacher's Day Performance. DAMNED NERVOUS. Wheeee~
Had an audition for the performance on Tuesday. It was so OFF and I don't know why Dayan said it was the best ever. DUH. Then a rehearsal yesterday. The microphone! DAMMIT. :P Then another one today. OK lah. I hope tomorrow..... will be the best :D

Lastly, to the teachers, Happy Teacher's Day. :)

Exam--- FINISHED!!!!!!!!!!

Woah. Sejarah. You made me study until 3 in the morning and could only sleep 2 hours. And your questions came out and I was like... SHIT. Smart la you.
Now. Geography. You made me lose another A. Whatever it is, damn you lah. :P

Ok. Now what.
Let's go back to yesterday.
Thank god it wasn't Father's Day yesterday.
Or else... Anyway I just don't wanna talk about it. I'm so pissed.
I got so uptight.
Somemore you tilted the car.
I was serious.
Somemore you were joking.
Maybe you didn't mean it.
Maybe you were just being naughty.
Maybe you just wanted to play.

But why is it so hard to say 'Sorry'?
Too much ego in you. That's the thing.
Anyway, you're still my Dad.

Please forgive me for whatever I'd done wrong.
That's all.

From, your son,
Wai Meng

"I Love You."

"I love you."
When will I say it to you?
Where?
How?
Whatever, as long as I say it, I mean it.
Whatever, as long as I say it, I promise that I'll do it.
Whatever, as long as I say it, I love you.

What is it in me, that makes me feel fear and scared?
What is it in me, that makes me feel warm and cosy?
But what is it in you, that makes me think of you every day?

I've tried umpteen times, to let you go.
I've tried umpteen times. to hurt myself.
I've tried umpteen times, to stop thinking about you.
But it was all
IN VAIN.
Something stopped me from letting you go.
Something stopped me from hurting myself.
Something stopped me to stop thinking about you.
That is,
YOU.

I had bad times.
I had good times.
But whenever it is you'll always be in my mind.
Yes you will.

Whenever I feel angry, I imagine you smiling to me to cool myself down.
Whenever I feel sad, I try to feel that you're near to me, to cheer myself up.
Whenever I think about you, I sing, because you are the best song in my heart.
A song which cannot be represented or written in notes.
A song which cannot be played by a musical instrument.
A song which cannot be erased or deleted.
A song which cannot be rearranged.

Because
you are
who you ARE.

And,
I Love You.

OK. Just an essay ; Don't say I'm gay :P BTW the protagonist is a BOY. Enjoy :) :P

A DECISION THAT I REGRETTED

My Form three life started. Everything seemed so new. My friends were the new ones, as the school has implemented the class-streaming recently - I was sent to the best class. They are studious, and brought positive influence to me. My results had a slight increase, and my mother was happy to see that. It was good to have friends who know when to study and when to play.

 
                Time flew. In a blink of eyes it was already a week from my trials. I was studying hard enough to score A’s in the trials. I temporarily deactivated my Facebook account. My results were quite good. My trial examinations were all 7A’s and 1B. Those results were satisfying, but I aimed for straight A’s in the PMR examination. The month of September was hard, but it was never wasted.
After the trials it was already the start of October, and PMR is on the 10th until the 12th of the month. I studied day and night; my hands seldom left the books. All the facts and formulae were already in my head. I just had to do a lot of past-year questions to know the format of PMR. I had been doing the past-year papers for the next seven days continuously. On the day before PMR, I relaxed my brain, letting it to rest rather than overworking it.

                My effort was fruitful. Surprisingly, I excelled in the PMR examination and scored straight A’s, at par with my friends. All of us were very happy. After the examination, we enjoyed our ‘after-exam session’ together. We activated our Facebook accounts, we went to shopping complexes, we sang at the Karaoke centers, we had Mac Donald’s, we bought clothes; we had done everything we longed for. Although, I had never expected, never anticipated, and was never prepared for a relationship. This relationship, though happy and sweet, brought me the most miserable life.
               

                It was November, and the holidays were about to start. I had a crush; more specifically, a crush on a boy. Yes, a boy. I didn’t know why, why must it be a boy. I don’t get a clue; it was just a special feeling. Neither my friends nor my family knew this. It was a buried secret, until him - the boy, whom I had the crush on – Lennon, told me his feelings towards me.
               

                One day, I was on Facebook. Lennon approached me through the ‘chat box’ and had a chat with me. 

‘Hi Gary, How are you? Happy with your results?’ He asked.
‘Yes, of course. What about you?’ I replied.
‘It was okay, I got 7A1B. Are you choosing Pure Science or Sub Science for next year?’ He questioned.
‘Congrats; I guess I’ll be taking Pure Science. I like Biology.’ I answered.

He was ‘silent’ for a while. I was about to go offline, while the chat box popped out suddenly. I was astonished to see what he asked:

‘Gary, can you be my boyfriend?’
                I was stunned for quite a while and finally replied, ‘Are you joking?’
                ‘No, I’m not. I’m SERIOUS.’ The chat box popped out again after I closed it. I thought deeply, ‘Is it April Fool’s Day today? No; Is it a dream?’ I pinched my cheek hardly. ‘Ouch!’ - it wasn’t a dream.
I answered, ‘You…?’
                ‘Yes, I love you.’ He said.
                I typed, ‘Can you give me a couple of days to think about it? I...’
                ‘Yes,’ He said, and the conversation was brought to an end. I felt happy but confused, delighted but worried, thrilled but bewildered, jubilant but perplexed. I had never imagined that that would happen. A feeling of complication filled my heart. ‘What should I do?’ I thought. An idea came to my mind. I took a piece of small paper and tore it into halves. On the papers I wrote respectively:

                ‘Yes, accept him.’
            ‘No, reject him.’

                I cupped my hands and juggled both the papers then threw them into the air. Both dropped on the floor and I chose one of them depending on my sixth sense. I opened the paper I chose and there it was written:

                ‘Yes, accept him.’

                The next day I went to school, I met Lennon. It was a noisy recess and we discussed privately at a corner. He asked about my decision. I stopped for a few seconds and said, ‘Yes.’ We did not dare to hug in front of the crowd, but we knew both of us were only too happy. We decided to keep it as a secret, but the relationship, somehow, spread quickly enough. Lennon and I were both worried that people will look down on us. Soon, my friends started to despise me. They all left me and lived their own world excluding me. Nobody befriended me, except for my best friend, Joanna. Joanna was open-minded enough to accept this. At that time, I thought this relationship was worth anything.

 
                Soon, there came the time for me to choose between Pure Science and Sub Science. Lennon took Sub Science while I wanted Pure Science. I am always interested in Biology, but Lennon is interested in Accounts. I wanted to be in the same class with him, I wanted to see him every day, but I wanted Biology, I wanted Pure Science. There came the dilemma. It was hard to choose between these two. I was really bewildered, but I had to make a decision. Sadly, I made up my mind and took Sub Science.

 
               

Form four was tough. I fared excellently in Chemistry, Physics and also Additional Mathematics. My weakest was Accounts. I couldn’t arrange the statistics, I couldn’t understand about the arrangement of the figures, and I couldn’t find the relevance between every figure. I soon found myself in difficulty doing Accounts. Despite the difficulties I faced, I tried and tried to do better in Accounts. No matter how I struggled, it did not work. I always thought, ‘Lennon is with me, I can do it.’

                Life is always full of obstacles, but I had never met such a big one.

                I was walking back home from school with Joanna. She lived near my house. Suddenly I heard someone yelling for me, ‘Gary! Your book!’ I looked back and Lennon was holding my Chemistry book, chasing after me. I ran towards him. I had almost reached him. But it was only almost. A car rushed by and hit Lennon. If the car had sped along the road a second later, Lennon wouldn’t have been hit. If I hadn’t left my Chemistry book in the lab, Lennon wouldn’t have been hit. If I had left the school later, Lennon wouldn’t have been hit. If only I had noticed the car was speeding towards him, Lennon would not have been hit.

                Blood flowed along the road. I was stunned and devastated. A feeling of loss, guilt and helplessness overwhelmed me. Tears rolled down from my cheek to the neck. I was emotionally defenceless. The driver descended from his car and looked at what he did. Everybody’s eyes were on us. The driver took out his mobile phone from his pocket and called the police for help. I was shouting for help wildly when the tears of the sky poured. Rain fell and the scene was in a mess.

                The police and ambulance finally came to save Lennon. I was in the ambulance with Lennon, sobbing and crying. The policeman asked me some questions about the accident and I told him everything including the relationship between Lennon and me. After a few minutes, the ambulance arrived at the hospital. Lennon was brought into the surgery room and I waited, waited and waited, sitting on the bench outside the room, looking at the downpour. Everything happened so suddenly. I couldn’t handle this anymore. I could only pray for Lennon. There I sat, praying for him for an hour. Then, the surgeon opened the door and came to me.

                ‘Sorry, we failed to save him. The impact to his head was too strong. The crack in the skull caused the death. We are very sorry that we couldn’t do anything,’ the surgeon said. I asked, ‘Can I have a look at him?’ ‘Yes, but not too long,’ the surgeon replied. I walked into the surgery room and looked at Lennon’s dead body. I held his hand. It was cold as ice. Before leaving, I said to ‘him’, ‘Bye, Lennon.’

               

‘I walked out the hospital and strolled in the rain aimlessly. My future was blurred. I lost everything except for a friend- Joanna. Nobody else wanted to care about me. Even my sisters looked down on me. My life was a failure. Joanna came to me with an umbrella and told me, ‘Gary, don’t hope for forever, just remember what you had in the past.’ At that moment I noticed what the definition of a friend is. I had no more initiatives towards my studies and had always cried before sleep. Sometimes I couldn’t even manage to sleep.

                Time passed by like a jet, and I had slowly put down Lennon a few months after the incident. I scored quite well in the SPM, getting 9As, and a B for Accounts. In hindsight, I how I had ‘sacrificed’ my studies for love, how I destroyed my future, and how a miserable person I had made myself. Now, I see how I regretted for all these things and decisions I had made. The most unforgivable decision was that I chose Sub to be with him. However, without all these, I would never notice how valuable everything is. Without all these, I will never understand how precious a life is.

Without all these, I would never know how to love myself.